I desire.

To desire, as they say, is to wish earnestly for something. We long for things because we think or feel that it can satisfy our needs and wishes. It can be an object, an emotion, an achievement and whatnot. As a person, who doesn't aspire, desire? I bet no one... because as a human being, we naturally want to attain self-fulfillment. Hence, we do something about it in any way possible. :)

A few days ago, I received this

salmon pink rose

It's been roughly a year and 7 months since I last received a rose this beautiful. This is actually a kris kringle gift from a blockmate. I did some researching over the net and found out that salmon pink roses meant "to desire for something/someone". :D I truly love this gift for I had a couple of realizations again.

First, it led me to another self-check session! It's my way of knowing myself more -- knowing what I really want in life. ;)

I realize that I desire so much... too much, maybe. :D For instance, I want to become a pediatrician, an inspirational blogger, write my own book, perform on stage for a musical, and publish my own scientific journals as a biologist. I even have this thought of getting my hair blonde, changing my whole wardrobe with one-of-a-kind clothes and all that! I always think that miracles can happen like getting back my perfect vision of 20/20 I used to have, getting thin and even taller and becoming a model or better yet an ambassador of an organization. Personally, I always dream to marry a man that is worth my existence (obsession as it may be, I find Tegoshi Yuya potentially good as a hubby lah~ XD ) But seriously, I pray that I can have a family of my own, living our lives in prosperity and in happiness. :D I plan to build a house inspired by Koreanovelas like the one Hyun Bin had in Secret Garden...and eventually call it a home. :D I want to travel the world, and touch other people's lives as well. My desires as stated above can be outrageously witty or even out of my range; others... well, they can be achieved in God's time. ;)

Second, I shall desire not to seek people's attention, but to do good deeds and bring good news for His glory.

I can desire all I want, daydream like forevuh, but there will always be a limitation (i.e., we can't be the person we wish we could be if there were MORE EXCITING things set before us as written in God's will).

I told myself before that the moment I stepped into school, I was in for the wild ride! It's like I accepted a contract wherein I can be crashed into pieces if I flaunt, or reigned The Holy One if I do good. LOL! *crazy me starts here* But you get my point? It can be really stressful when you are pressured by the society you are in. Hence, I initially thought that I MUST DO GOOD; If not, then I'm out of this game.

I always felt that way before. I did things because I want others to think that I'm good -- someone who is intellectual, responsible and all that. But then, I realized that I WAS living a life of a puppet on string. During that time, my only wish was to stay on top... and if I fail to reach that "threshold potential" of success in order for me to get going, I'd be sad about it.

As I grew, I accepted the fact that I cannot have all the things I long for. :) All I have now on Earth will be gone when I reunite with Him, so I have set my mind to do things or deeds that can nourish my soul. :) I now think that my life on Earth must be used efficiently for the glory of God. I feel that the spotlight must not be put upon me. Rather, my life shall be utilized in order for others to see The Light who is Him. :D

Sharing you my thoughts is the best way for me to start anew. :) This Yuletide season, may we continue to set our goals right! It's never too late, so there! Have a merry holiday, everyone!